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A few weeks after my first interview with him, I was back in the Philippines, at the country's most popular hostel. The air was thick with the smell of cooking meat in a hot pan, my hostel's dining area was full of other Filipinos with whom I'd started a friendship, and I was in a group of young women who I'd just met, who had been invited to my place to meet another guy. There was a young Filipino with an awkward-looking beard, and he was also a good conversationalist and online gay chat a bit of a flirt. I told him about my experience in Australia and my love for the local language. Then he asked me about my relationship with my first girlfriend. "I don't understand," I said. He nodded and said, "You're not gay chat rooms talking to me anymore." "Yeah, but you love me. And I love you." "I do," I said. "But I think you can't have a relationship with me now." "No, no, no," he said. "You're good." "Yes." "So you've been good all the time?" I asked. He nodded, and then he started the next conversation. It went like this: "So the guy who wrote that article about how you were a slut because of your body was right? Is he right?" "No, I was never a slut. He's wrong." "He's a whore. You want me to go and meet him at the airport? Are you sure?" "Yes." "He's gonna want a piece of me. You can't have a guy take advantage of you. And you're just a girl. So I've been looking for a boyfriend for a while. My family said I'm a good looking woman. But I'm a girl. And the boys in my family always wanted a piece of me." She smiled a little. "So I went looking for a guy. I looked for you. But you didn't take me. You just wanted to keep me from finding out." She sat up. "So I came to the conclusion that there is a guy out there that you've got. But he's been in my house. He's been in the same room as me for a very long time. You were in a car with him. So if he's not around, then there's no way I could have dated him."
"I was just trying to put things in perspective. I mean you said that you were the first girl to ever have a boyfriend, so what are we supposed to make of that?"
"But you were going out on dates with him! You went out to dinner and you met him on the way home. So you must have been okay with it."
"No. But I mean… that doesn't mean that I wasn't okay with it, because I thought it would be okay. It didn't feel like a date. I mean I could have been in a relationship with him. But I didn't want to get too serious with him, because then I'd be in a relationship. And you know, if I was going to get married I wanted him to be able to get married with me. And if he wasn't ready for it, then I wouldn't want to be his wife."
"Well, I've got to say you're not ready for that, because I think it'll be really difficult for you. You're very young, it's going to be so difficult for you to make a commitment like that. I just think that's the biggest gay men singles obstacle that's going to keep you from having that."
The next day he was in my bed, staring at me in confusion, like he wasn't sure if he was talking to a girl or a ghost. I could tell that I hadn't told him the whole truth. He'd just gone back to talking to my roommate. I was sure the truth would come out in the next two months.
"Don't worry, I'll figure out what's wrong in time," I reassured him. "You were a total stranger when I got home, so I'll make it up to you. Let me just do this quick: I'll get your phone number, and we'll text each other. Just do it when I'm in your room." "Okay," he said, and turned away. I was starting to get a little worried that this was going gay dating sites online to turn into a big, embarrassing lie and he would be like "I'm sorry, I wasn't looking. What happened?" "I was in the middle of a class, and my professor was talking to my boyfriend when he suddenly collapsed." "What class, professor?" "I wasn't paying attention. So I ended up talking with him while he fell off his chair." "Oh, okay." "But then my boyfriend went over to him and was like, 'hey, I'm here for you and my friend and they are here with me.' So my boyfriend and my friend were all there. And I told my boyfriend 'no' and left, then my boyfriend had an accident. So he was all like, 'I know what happened. I'm sorry. I didn't mean meet gay guys online for that to happen. Please don't worry about me.'" "OK," said the guy. "What happened?" "It just happened so quick, so I don't think that was part of my plan or anything." "What about?" asked the girl. "Well, I went to the bathroom and I took a shower, and I started talking to my boyfriend and talking about him. But then I said, 'You're not really his type. I don't want to date someone like that.' He said, 'But why?' And I said, 'Because it's not really me. I'm not that sort of girl.' And he said, 'It is you, it's not like that. It's not you.'" "What did he mean by that?" asked the girl. "What he meant is that it's not who you are. It's not like I'm in the mood for you to talk to me like that. You're not even my type." The girl was shocked. This was the first time gay men sites she had ever been treated like that. He told her she was beautiful, he was a good friend, and he had made some friends who were the same way. He was a nice guy. How was this possible? She was still pretty, but it felt like he had treated her differently because of who she was. "This is your fault. I can't live like this. If you want to come to Japan, I'll have meeting gay guys online to take you to a hospital. Maybe they will give you something to eat. Maybe you will be allowed to go home. It'll be okay." She didn't know. She was going to have to go to a hospital to get a medical exam done. "If you can't come to Japan, don't come to Japan." "It's the right thing to do." "Why did you even come here, anyway? Why the hell do you care about me? We'll be fine.